| "Are you sure you don't want me to pick up a cake | | | | member after band member emerges with some |
| at the ice cream store?" I ask my | | | | kind of instrument in hand. The van just doesn't look |
| twenty-five-year-old son on the phone. He whines | | | | big enough to hold them all. Yes, Jake is right. There |
| like a three year old. "You try to talk me out of it | | | | are twenty of them, and they are all heading toward |
| every year, Mom. I want you to make me an ice | | | | the door. (Except the one who stops by my maple |
| cream cake for my birthday. I want a mint chocolate | | | | tree and begins to "water" it. He must be the |
| chip ice cream cake. I've told all the guys in the band | | | | drummer.) |
| how great it is. C'mon Mom!" | | | | Twenty pairs of dirty Converse sneakers, twenty |
| He's told all his friends. I thought he was over having | | | | spiked up, multi-colored hair-dos (or |
| birthday parties with his friends when he was ten, | | | | hair-don'ts… depending on how you look at it, |
| but apparently not. | | | | I guess…), and twenty outlandish outfits that |
| In this day and age, it just seems wrong to make a | | | | I think their sisters should be wearing. I have to blink |
| homemade ice cream cake. There are beautifully | | | | because at that moment I see Jake and his friends |
| decorated cakes in the freezer section of the | | | | as ten-year-olds again. It just happens that these ten |
| grocery store, not to mention in the local ice cream | | | | year olds eat gobs more and are a lot louder. |
| parlor. I realize that making his ice cream birthday | | | | "Hey Mrs. M," shouts Jake's lifelong friend, Sam. "Did |
| cake is more about reliving his childhood (I've made | | | | you make one of your awesome ice cream cakes?" |
| him ice cream cakes since he was two years old), | | | | "No, Sam, I made two." "Right on," he casually replies |
| and I recall baking and freezing a volcano ice cream | | | | as he beelines past me for the ranch dip and the |
| cake that his friends talked about for years. He was | | | | Fritos. |
| so proud of that cake. (Not of his mom; of the | | | | By night's end, the house has transformed into a |
| cake.) | | | | waste site filled with dip-smeared paper plates, |
| "How many friends are coming, Jake?" I ask him, | | | | empty chip bags, and enough aluminum soda cans to |
| knowing full well that he is going to tell me something | | | | build a Toyota. There are also smashed chips in the |
| like I don't know, Mom. Can you make enough for | | | | carpet, and droopy Mohawks on these future |
| twenty? | | | | captains of industry. I also find it amusing to see the |
| It was easy to make a cake for twenty little | | | | boys listening to John Denver with Jake's Dad. Jake |
| freckled faced boys with twenty pairs of dirt-riddled | | | | actually looks interested in what my husband is |
| sneakers in the house when he was a kid. It was no | | | | saying. I think they actually like John Denver. |
| problem dealing with the twenty little hands that hide | | | | The band isn't so bad; they sing and play a |
| twenty little boogers under the coffee table top | | | | punk-reggae-fusion version of Happy Birthday for |
| instead of using a Kleenex. Twenty little gift bags full | | | | Jake. And as the party wound down, Jake came |
| of plastic spiders and Jolly Ranchers. And twenty | | | | over to me and gave me a big hug. "Thanks Mom |
| gifts that made Jake so excited that he had to run | | | | for making my cake. And thanks for letting the band |
| to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. Ahhh, those | | | | come, too. You're a great Mom." |
| were the days. | | | | It was all worth it until next year. |
| A cake for twenty nowadays means two cakes in | | | | Ice Cream Cake Recipe |
| the freezer. This entails my husband taking out all the | | | | 2 boxes of cake mix (any flavor) |
| Lean Cuisines, frozen oat bread, pork chops, and | | | | 2 to 3 containers of Cool Whip |
| something grey and hairy, and trying to stuff them | | | | 1 gallon of ice cream in a rectangle box (any flavor) |
| into the extra fridge in the out building. (You know | | | | 2 to 3 cans of frosting (any flavor) |
| the extra fridge… It's called the Extra Fridge | | | | Make the cakes as directed on the box, use two 9 x |
| because it costs an extra thirty bucks a month on | | | | 12 pans to bake the cakes. Let the cakes cool. Put |
| the electric bill so he can store two six-packs of | | | | one of the cakes on a covered with foil cookie |
| grocery store brand diet soda, an empty bottle of | | | | sheet. Open up the ice cream box completely so that |
| mustard, and two half-bottles of ketchup). | | | | you have a brick of ice cream and slice the brick into |
| We take everything out of the freezer to fit the | | | | 6 even slices. On the top of the first cake, lay each |
| humungous birthday cakes for Jake. His birthday | | | | ice cream slice on top of the cake, side by side so |
| party is in the evening, so this requires appetizers as | | | | that it covers the whole top of the cake and pinch |
| well. I pick up ten pounds of Buffalo wings for the | | | | each slice into the next so you have a solid layer of |
| band, and another five for the regular folk. My | | | | ice cream. Next, take a half of a can of frosting and |
| husband goes to Costco and purveys massive | | | | spread it over the ice cream evenly. Try to do the |
| amounts of chips and soda. He also comes home | | | | frosting quickly because the ice cream will begin to |
| with a five CD audio set of John Denver. "It's for | | | | melt. Next, use one of your Cool Whips and spread |
| Jake." I see through his bald faced lie. "Jake doesn't | | | | half the container on top of the frosting and spread |
| like John Denver." He smiles and takes the shrink | | | | evenly. Now take your second cake, and lay it over |
| wrap off the CD's. "He doesn't? Well I guess I'll have | | | | the top of the ice cream/frosting/Cool Whip layer. |
| to listen to them, then. I just hate waste." (Guess he | | | | Cover in saran wrap and stick it in the freezer for an |
| forgot about the Extra Fridge.) | | | | hour. After freezing for an hour take the cake out |
| So the cake is ready, the appetizers are in place, the | | | | and completely frost the whole cake. After frosting |
| soda is chilling, and there are piles and piles of chips | | | | the cake, put a whole nice thick layer of Cool Whip |
| and salsa on the table. The family begins to arrive | | | | over the frosting as if the Cool Whip is the frosting. |
| and mill around while John Denver plays in the | | | | Then put back in the freezer for eight hours. When |
| background. | | | | you serve, pull cake out of freezer about 15 minutes |
| Then we hear the tell-tale backfire. We look out the | | | | before slicing. |
| window and watch as the primer-gray serial killer van | | | | This cake will serve 12-24 people depending on how |
| pulls up. With a little banging and coaxing, the van's | | | | you slice the pieces, or how big the band is! |
| side door opens and out tumbles Jake. (The driver | | | | Beth loves to write about her quirky family. Beth and |
| door hasn't worked since the Great Wal*Mart Parking | | | | her husband, Lee, are instructors and lecturers in |
| Lot Incident of '06.) Then the real show as the van | | | | applying the Law of Attraction in life to attain |
| begins to mime the capacity of a clown car; band | | | | whatever you desire. |