| "Are you sure you don't want me to pick up a | | | | toward the door. (Except the one who stops by |
| cake at the ice cream store?" I ask my | | | | my maple tree and begins to "water" it. He |
| twenty-five-year-old son on the phone. He | | | | must be the drummer.) |
| whines like a three year old. "You try to | | | | |
| talk me out of it every year, Mom. I want | | | | Twenty pairs of dirty Converse sneakers, |
| you to make me an ice cream cake for my | | | | twenty spiked up, multi-colored hair-dos (or |
| birthday. I want a mint chocolate chip ice | | | | hair-don'ts… depending on how you look |
| cream cake. I've told all the guys in the | | | | at it, I guess…), and twenty outlandish |
| band how great it is. C'mon Mom!" | | | | outfits that I think their sisters should be |
| | | | wearing. I have to blink because at that |
| He's told all his friends. I thought he was | | | | moment I see Jake and his friends as |
| over having birthday parties with his friends | | | | ten-year-olds again. It just happens that |
| when he was ten, but apparently not. | | | | these ten year olds eat gobs more and are a |
| | | | lot louder. |
| In this day and age, it just seems wrong to | | | | |
| make a homemade ice cream cake. There are | | | | "Hey Mrs. M," shouts Jake's lifelong friend, |
| beautifully decorated cakes in the freezer | | | | Sam. "Did you make one of your awesome ice |
| section of the grocery store, not to mention | | | | cream cakes?" "No, Sam, I made two." |
| in the local ice cream parlor. I realize | | | | "Right on," he casually replies as he |
| that making his ice cream birthday cake is | | | | beelines past me for the ranch dip and the |
| more about reliving his childhood (I've | | | | Fritos. |
| made him ice cream cakes since he was two | | | | |
| years old), and I recall baking and freezing | | | | By night's end, the house has transformed |
| a volcano ice cream cake that his friends | | | | into a waste site filled with dip-smeared |
| talked about for years. He was so proud of | | | | paper plates, empty chip bags, and enough |
| that cake. (Not of his mom; of the cake.) | | | | aluminum soda cans to build a Toyota. There |
| | | | are also smashed chips in the carpet, and |
| "How many friends are coming, Jake?" I ask | | | | droopy Mohawks on these future captains of |
| him, knowing full well that he is going to | | | | industry. I also find it amusing to see the |
| tell me something like I don't know, Mom. | | | | boys listening to John Denver with Jake's |
| Can you make enough for twenty? | | | | Dad. Jake actually looks interested in what |
| | | | my husband is saying. I think they actually |
| It was easy to make a cake for twenty little | | | | like John Denver. |
| freckled faced boys with twenty pairs of | | | | |
| dirt-riddled sneakers in the house when he | | | | The band isn't so bad; they sing and play a |
| was a kid. It was no problem dealing with | | | | punk-reggae-fusion version of Happy Birthday |
| the twenty little hands that hide twenty | | | | for Jake. And as the party wound down, |
| little boogers under the coffee table top | | | | Jake came over to me and gave me a big hug. |
| instead of using a Kleenex. Twenty little | | | | "Thanks Mom for making my cake. And thanks |
| gift bags full of plastic spiders and Jolly | | | | for letting the band come, too. You're a |
| Ranchers. And twenty gifts that made Jake so | | | | great Mom." |
| excited that he had to run to the bathroom | | | | |
| every fifteen minutes. Ahhh, those were the | | | | It was all worth it until next year. |
| days. | | | | |
| | | | Ice Cream Cake Recipe |
| A cake for twenty nowadays means two cakes in | | | | |
| the freezer. This entails my husband taking | | | | 2 boxes of cake mix (any flavor) |
| out all the Lean Cuisines, frozen oat bread, | | | | |
| pork chops, and something grey and hairy, and | | | | 2 to 3 containers of Cool Whip |
| trying to stuff them into the extra fridge in | | | | |
| the out building. (You know the extra | | | | 1 gallon of ice cream in a rectangle box (any |
| fridge… It's called the Extra Fridge | | | | flavor) |
| because it costs an extra thirty bucks a | | | | |
| month on the electric bill so he can store | | | | 2 to 3 cans of frosting (any flavor) |
| two six-packs of grocery store brand diet | | | | |
| soda, an empty bottle of mustard, and two | | | | Make the cakes as directed on the box, use |
| half-bottles of ketchup). | | | | two 9 x 12 pans to bake the cakes. Let the |
| | | | cakes cool. Put one of the cakes on a covered |
| We take everything out of the freezer to fit | | | | with foil cookie sheet. Open up the ice |
| the humungous birthday cakes for Jake. His | | | | cream box completely so that you have a brick |
| birthday party is in the evening, so this | | | | of ice cream and slice the brick into 6 even |
| requires appetizers as well. I pick up ten | | | | slices. On the top of the first cake, lay |
| pounds of Buffalo wings for the band, and | | | | each ice cream slice on top of the cake, side |
| another five for the regular folk. My | | | | by side so that it covers the whole top of |
| husband goes to Costco and purveys massive | | | | the cake and pinch each slice into the next |
| amounts of chips and soda. He also comes | | | | so you have a solid layer of ice cream. |
| home with a five CD audio set of John Denver. | | | | Next, take a half of a can of frosting and |
| "It's for Jake." I see through his bald | | | | spread it over the ice cream evenly. Try to |
| faced lie. "Jake doesn't like John Denver." | | | | do the frosting quickly because the ice cream |
| He smiles and takes the shrink wrap off the | | | | will begin to melt. Next, use one of your |
| CD's. "He doesn't? Well I guess I'll have | | | | Cool Whips and spread half the container on |
| to listen to them, then. I just hate waste." | | | | top of the frosting and spread evenly. Now |
| (Guess he forgot about the Extra Fridge.) | | | | take your second cake, and lay it over the |
| | | | top of the ice cream/frosting/Cool Whip |
| So the cake is ready, the appetizers are in | | | | layer. Cover in saran wrap and stick it in |
| place, the soda is chilling, and there are | | | | the freezer for an hour. After freezing for |
| piles and piles of chips and salsa on the | | | | an hour take the cake out and completely |
| table. The family begins to arrive and mill | | | | frost the whole cake. After frosting the |
| around while John Denver plays in the | | | | cake, put a whole nice thick layer of Cool |
| background. | | | | Whip over the frosting as if the Cool Whip is |
| | | | the frosting. Then put back in the freezer |
| Then we hear the tell-tale backfire. We look | | | | for eight hours. When you serve, pull cake |
| out the window and watch as the primer-gray | | | | out of freezer about 15 minutes before |
| serial killer van pulls up. With a little | | | | slicing. |
| banging and coaxing, the van's side door | | | | |
| opens and out tumbles Jake. (The driver door | | | | This cake will serve 12-24 people depending |
| hasn't worked since the Great Wal*Mart | | | | on how you slice the pieces, or how big the |
| Parking Lot Incident of '06.) Then the real | | | | band is! |
| show as the van begins to mime the capacity | | | | |
| of a clown car; band member after band member | | | | Beth loves to write about her quirky family. |
| emerges with some kind of instrument in hand. | | | | Beth and her husband, Lee, are instructors |
| The van just doesn't look big enough to hold | | | | and lecturers in applying the Law of |
| them all. Yes, Jake is right. There are | | | | Attraction in life to attain whatever you |
| twenty of them, and they are all heading | | | | desire. |