| Have you ever wondered who first figured out what | | | | CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) -- West Virginia motorists |
| man should and should not eat? I mean, at some | | | | who run down the odd critter can legally take it |
| point near the beginning of time, there must have | | | | home for dinner under a law passed by the |
| been someone who sat down on a rock and decided | | | | Legislature. The bill, which has made West Virginia the |
| that man should eat cows, but not crocodiles; that | | | | butt of jokes nationally, would let drivers keep their |
| he should devour pigs and chickens and fish, but not | | | | road kill provided they report it to conservation or |
| lions and tigers and bears. Who was this prehistoric | | | | police officers within 12 hours. The measure became |
| Galloping Gourmet and what was his connection to | | | | law when Gov. Cecil Underwood declined to veto it |
| the "Wizard of Oz?" Unfortunately, we'll probably | | | | by a Thursday deadline. Pro-road kill legislators |
| never know.If early man was anything like his | | | | envision people eating deer hit on he road, but the bill |
| modern-day counterpart, it's a pretty safe bet that | | | | allows drivers to take home any wildlife, except |
| only those animals that were easy to catch and didn't | | | | protected birds, spotted fawn or bear cubs. |
| try to eat you in return were put on the edibles list. | | | | Proponents said if drivers can be encouraged to eat |
| Though early man is thought to have had a brain the | | | | their road kill, the state would save money it now |
| size of a peach pit, he probably didn't have to see | | | | pays Division of Highways workers to remove the |
| too many of his cave buddies eaten by giant iguanas | | | | dead animals. Current law allows people to take |
| to figure out that prehistoric cow meat made for a | | | | possession of road kill only after they've contacted |
| much healthier diet. That being the case, it was fear | | | | authorities, by then the meat has spoiled, said |
| and laziness that determined what the menu for | | | | supporters.The only gray area in this law is what |
| mankind was to be. And it's a good thing, too. Had | | | | technically constitutes road kill. By its very name, road |
| our ancestors taken a bit more initiative, your | | | | kill is "something killed on the road," so it shouldn't be |
| favorite food today might be badger on a stick. Can | | | | too hard to establish a rule of thumb. Something |
| you say, "Mmm Mmm, good!"From a Biblical point of | | | | simple, like: "if the driver has to jump a curb and/or |
| view, perhaps it was Adam who planned the world's | | | | slam through a barbed-wire fence to accidentally hit |
| first menu. "Hey, Eve, look! These platypus tails aren't | | | | and kill the animal, they have gone too far." And no |
| bad if you dip them in a little honey mustard. In fact, | | | | backing up just to make sure dinner is done, either. |
| they kind of taste like chicken! Put them on the 'can | | | | Under the law, that would be considered |
| eat' list!"Hmm... Maybe it was a good thing Eve wasn't | | | | "over-tenderizing."I have to wonder what effect this |
| much of a listener, after all.No matter who performed | | | | law will have on how West Virginians eat. Imagine this |
| those first taste-tests, thereby establishing the | | | | being rattled off by the peppy waiter at TGIFriday's: |
| dietary standard for mankind for generations to | | | | "Howdy. The name's Merle, and I'll be your waiter this |
| come, I believe that, throughout time, God has | | | | evening. Today's specials are Armadillo on the Half |
| looked down occasionally and yelled, "Hey, stupid! | | | | Shell, Skunk TarTar, Squirrel Flambe, Iguana Gumbo... |
| You're not supposed to eat THAT!"When I was | | | | and we also have a lovely Raccoon Rockefeller for |
| growing up on a small farm in rural Limestone County, | | | | only $7.99."Gives a whole new meaning to the term, |
| we were completely self-sufficient (the | | | | "scattered, smothered, chunked and smashed," |
| politically-correct term for being too poor to purchase | | | | doesn't it?The road kill law is not without its critics. Dr. |
| food). If we couldn't grow it in a field or raise it in a | | | | Hannah Barberra, spokeswoman for the animal rights |
| pen or squeeze it from a cow, we didn't consume it. | | | | group "Defenders Of Other Dumb Animals" or |
| We grew it, we killed it, we ate it, period. Needless | | | | "DOO-DA" for short, had this to say: "The road kill |
| to say, there were a lot of jumpy animals around our | | | | law gives humans a license to drive and kill. Imagine a |
| house. Even my dog had a nervous tick (sorry, the | | | | world full of Wyle E. Coyotes driving two-thousand |
| joke was there, I had to use it).We never went out | | | | pound automobiles. That's what we have to look |
| to eat, either. To us, fast food simply meant that we | | | | forward to if eating road kill becomes the |
| couldn't catch it on foot. Perhaps we should have | | | | norm."When asked about the rumor that DOO-DA |
| tried running it down with my old man's truck. I never | | | | plans to set up booby-trapped ducks, rabbits and |
| considered that an option until I read about what's | | | | road runners along West Virginia's highways to |
| going on in West Virginia, a state which, until now, | | | | discourage hungry motorists, Dr. Barberra declined to |
| has been primarily known for giving the world such | | | | comment, other than to say that whatever her |
| great punchlines as: "If she ain't good enough for her | | | | group does, no actual animals will be harmed.Thank |
| own family she ain't good enough for ours!" and "Not | | | | goodness. I'd hate to see innocent animals getting |
| with my pig, you don't!" and "That's the last time I let | | | | hurt just because mankind has decided to expand |
| a shoe salesman use MY outhouse!" But now West | | | | the menu.Now, grab the honey mustard, Elmer, and |
| Virginia has done what no other state in the union | | | | let's go for a ride.I'm getting awful hungry.From "Small |
| has ever had the mountain oysters to do. It has | | | | Business Q&A" With Tim Knox |
| given the thumbs up to drive-over dining. I think I'm | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, author, |
| gonna have to have some ketchup for this | | | | speaker, and radio show host. |
| one.Check out this story from last week's Associated | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize |
| Press:Road Kill Is Now Dinner In West Virginia | | | | their business dreams. |